Our Billion Dollar Heart Problem

Americans will spend about 21.8 Billion dollars buying Valentine's stuff this year.

That's nearly $4 billion more than it was last time I looked up that number, about 4 years ago. 

When I think about what we could do, collectively, with nearly $22 billion, it boggles the mind. No, scratch that-- it literally breaks my heart. 

For one thing, it would cover our National Parks budget for about 8 years. Or fund the National Endowment for the Arts for a few decades. How many hungry children could be fed? Student loans forgiven? Refugees resettled? 

We could make a longer list, but you get my point- we have the resources in this country to do so much collective good; to meet so many needs; to solve so many complex problems. But when you come right down to it-- our hearts are just in all the wrong places. 

Valentine's Day itself is not the problem. A holiday designated for love? Sure. Fantastic. But... when did “love” get saddled with all this stuff? Billions and billions of dollars worth of stuff?

I’d venture that most of the billions are spent on flowers, jewelry, stuffed animals, and any other number of things that come in the shape of a heart. Which, by Monday, will be marked down 80% at Walgreen’s and Target and every other store in America. Not long after that, much of it will be in a landfill.

This holiday is just one of  many that draws attention to our consumer sickness. That sickness is big, and multi-layered, and it’s not Saint Valentine’s fault. It’s also not the fault of Baby Jesus or the Easter Bunny; or Saint Patrick, the Great Pumpkin or Uncle Sam. On every one of these days, we wade through the sea of sugar and cheap plastic crap that will ultimately flood the landfills we use to hide our addiction. The dam will only hold for so long.

So there’s an environmental concern, and a sweatshop concern. But more than anything, there's a heart concern, underlying all the paper and diamond ones. The real emptiness that might make us feel like we *have* to buy this stuff, or else we have somehow failed at the whole love thing. 

More to the point, this is an illumination of the scarcity mentality… The one that tells us we cannot possibly afford to insure all of our children–or educate them, or provide them with clean water and air, or protect the resources for their retirement someday–when clearly, we have all the money in the world to spend on… What, exactly? Another engraved picture frame? Another charm for that bracelet? Another bear holding a heart? (What can I say, SNL gets it). 

Can we fix all of these complex problems by abstaining from flowers and stuffed animals today? Maybe not. But practicing a bit of mindfulness about our own spending and gifting can go a long way to change our thinking about what is needed, what is important, and what is worthwhile. And that shift might, in turn, change our thinking about what we can, and cannot afford… As a family, as a country, and as people who have to inhabit this earth together long after the landfills overflow and the rivers run dry.

Here are a few ideas for how to celebrate this day of love without breaking the bank–or contributing to our collective national junk pile.

1. Quality time: have a game night with your family, or watch a movie together. Take your date for a walk if it’s nice out, or visit a city spot you both love.
2. Food: Make dinner for someone you love. Or, better yet–dessert. (A nice dinner in is especially attractive in a pandemic year). 
3. Love letters: Maybe it’s because my love language is “words of affirmation,” but I never tire of getting nice notes… And it doesn't have to come in a pink envelope from Hallmark. It can be on a post-it, in an email, or scratched in the dust on my car, I don’t care. Words matter, and good words go a long, long way. Make a long list of reasons why you love your person, (or any person that you think could use a good word), and give it to them.
4. Acts of Service: While we’re on the love languages… Fold your partner’s laundry, or take their car to be detailed, or run some other errand that they hate, but that needs to be done. Those things might not sound sexy unless you're an old married person, but believe me... 
5. Be still. How much time do you spend just being together? Just sitting still? My guess is that even during quarantine the answer is possibly: Not often. But maybe today I do. Seems like a small but powerful thing.
6. Gifts that Keep Giving. Ok, spend some money after all, but not on stuff. Donate to a cause that is near and dear to your significant other–-or better yet, something that is important to both of you. I’m giving to the National Parks Service for my man today, because some of our best memories together are in those parks… and let’s face it, after the chaos wrought on those spaces by the previous administration, Smokey the Bear and company need all the help they can get.
7. Share the love. Maybe your family could go volunteer together somewhere. Or go make a socially distanced porch visit to a neighbor or church friend who might be alone. Take them a homemade card or some cookies. They will just be glad to see your face. Even if there's a mask on it. 

What about you? What are you doing to enact some love on the world this weekend? Whatever it is, I hope it brings joy to your little corner of the world… with as few glitter casualties as possible.

This is modified for COVID times from a post that originally appeared on Patheos. 

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